My very first online class towards my MAR -Discipleship have begun today. I have been SO EXCITED leading up to today - ever since October when this whole process began. I am excited to learn more about what I believe what I believe, and I want to be better equipped for where God will lead me in the future. I truly believe he led me to begin seminary classes, but I am not sure where He is going to take me with that.
I looked mid-week, last week, when the syllabus and the like were posted for my class and thought, okay this is going to be great. I am taking Survey of Christian Doctrine as my first class and knew that it would be a challenge, but if I am being honest I was really thinking, "How hard could this really be?" I mean, I grew up in the church and have a lot of basic knowledge so that should make it a whole lot easier. Well today I have off of work for a holiday and decided to get started with my reading and really try and plan this semester out. I really want to do well in this class and not procrastinate, like is my tendency with school. Well I opened up my book this morning and realized that I have to read 135 pages of the textbook and post to a discussion board by the end of the week. Okay, that's fine I can do that. Then I actually started to read the book and realized it takes me ten minutes to read two pages because I have to read it that many times to just understand what the author is trying to say. Okay, starting to get a little overwhelmed, but it will be fine. Decided to look ahead to see what I will need to get accomplished each week, including a 10 page paper by the end of the eight weeks on theologies that I have never heard of before - which I don't understand at all (I know that's the point of a research paper, but super daunting). I am starting to realize this will NOT be as easy as I have been envisioning. Add the class on top of everything else I have going on in my life these next eight weeks - full-time job, Jr. High responsibilities, worship team, keeping up with relationships - and that is when I became super overwhelmed and out came the tears and second guessing. "What did I get myself into?" "I can't do this, I don't understand what I am reading at all." "How is all of this going to get done?"
I am not posting this right now to be felt sorry for in anyway! I still truly believe that the LORD led me to begin this process, beginning with this class. I am posting this to show what His strength is going to do in my weakness through these next eight weeks. I would not be able to do this on my own - EVER! But I am going to give all I have to this class and everything else going on, relying on the LORD for my strength and wisdom with everything. That is my prayer- I am not perfect and might stray from relying on Him and try and take back control (cause that is what I tend to do), but I don't think that will last very long because I will just get overwhelmed again and have no where to go but back into the arms of my Father! I don't know how many times I will post here during these next eight weeks, but I plan to post at the end of the class with how God got me through them!
I received an e-mail from my pastor this morning with a verse that I think will be my go to verse for the next 8 weeks:
"He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich source of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure." Isaiah 33:6
I also found this verse encouraging too when I was reading through Isaiah 33:
"O Lord, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress." Isaiah 33:2
Watch out THEO 510 - God and I are going to kick your butt this semester! :)
